There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
