Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
