We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
