I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
