my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
