I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
