The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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