im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
