just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
