you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize