are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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