im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
