if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize