i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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