Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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