Too much gin, very little bucket
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
