did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
