I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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