She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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