it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
