I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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