I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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