I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
