No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
