Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
