what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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