That's intense
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
