I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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