I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
