im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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