i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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