Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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