Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
