just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
