"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
