just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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