The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
