i don't like sucking hair
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
