kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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