Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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