Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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