she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We had sex on a dog bed..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Couch. On fire.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize