I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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