You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
