I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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