she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
