The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
