To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize