i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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