You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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