Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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