We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
