Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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