don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
