I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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