yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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