you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
