my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
