He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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