Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
