so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My penis needs a shock collar
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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