Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
