It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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