I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Life is so much better after having sex.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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