i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
