your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
