So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
