i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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