i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
