I'm going to jail i love you
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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