You just made me feel so damn special
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
4 words: hood of his car
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
