I bet he comes in French.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
