take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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