There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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