I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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