My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
