fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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